The gifts of Radiation

My journey through breast cancer continues to offer much grace as i find solace in the beauty and goodness I see, witness and experience everyday. I am thrilled at the new form of meditation I am learning through painting and am pleased with the few creations i have been having fun birthing.
 
Each day I awake to the uncertainty of how the day is to unfold. This is heightened by my lack of routine and my clear identity broken. Wide open I feel in a world filled with possibilities. Still,, I establish a healthy schedule of good eats and vibrant movement.  I honour the human clay of my body by regular exercise, plenty of rest and water.

I am blown away by the care, compassion and professionalism of the radiation technicians. As I lay each week day on the rigid sterile table, I surrender to their care.  At first, it's hard to be so vulnerable, almost naked, passive to the treatment of 190 degrees C radiating my left side.  Fear is definatelly present. As I learn to soften, open and visualize wellness through every cell of my being I remind myself that this is what I can do and therefore there is nothing passive about receiving.  Each time I get radiated, I visualize the breath and light of the Creator piercing lovingly through me and the fear subsides burning away all illusions of past indentities and life lived too fast. I am learning to re-invent myself and to bite into life more than ever. It does not feel like a fight however, it feels like a second chance, a rebirth. I fear not life nor death but to come to death's threshold not having fully lived. Each day I express the gratitude I feel for the privilege to embrace life unabashed.

Indeed, I am learning to slow down and trust in the impermanence and practice gratitude each day.  Dedicated for wellness and so very grateful for the support extended my way. Thank you Ancestors, thank you beloved partner, friends and family. Thank you, for all of it.